Preparing for Marriage, not just the Wedding
An article by Sam George

In the last few weeks, we received many wedding invitations. Whether you like it or not,
another wedding season is here again. So this month, I will be focusing on a variety of
marriage related issues facing our community.

Since the turn of the millennium, we are seeing a record number of weddings in the Indian
American community every year. The children of early immigrants (those who came in late
60s and 70s) have reached the marriageable age. In 80s and 90s, many returned to India
to find a spouse or to conduct the ceremonies before rest of the extended families. But
these days most are choosing to get married here itself and fly in relatives from India, if
needed.

Another clear indication of this growing trend is the proliferation of desi wedding related
service agencies like wedding planners, banquet halls, entertainers, dress makers, DJs and
what not. There is a professional touch to what was once a deeply cultural and religious
celebration.

Marriage has not gone out of fashion with the coconut generation. Most hope to get married
someday, whether it is arranged or love or any combinations of it. Marriage may be less
enduring than in the previous generations, but still celebrated with pomp and style. It is not
simply a private party or a legal contract signing, but a community wide celebration that
goes on for days and weeks.

But at the same time, there is steady rise in singlehood, delayed marriages, divorce and
homosexuality in the Indian American community. I guess it is the influence of prevailing
Western culture. Many try to test-run a relationship through co-habitation before
committing to a marriage. Some are disillusioned with the people they are involved with
and looking for ways to get out of it.

The wedding day is often called “The Happiest Day of Your Life,” but hopefully the joy will
continue long after the wedding is over. No matter what rituals you go through - walk
around the sacred fire, walk down the aisle, chant prayers, make vows, exchange rings, or
religious rites, every bride and groom silently hopes that love will last a lifetime.

These days so much effort goes into the planning for the one-day event of wedding and
making it picture perfect that couples spend very little effort in preparing for a lifetime of
marriage. A well known celebrity recently admitted, “I’ve been married twice, but I haven’t
had a marriage yet.” How tragic it is prepare for the wedding, but not for the marriage.

It is only natural to get bogged down by myriad of wedding details. Yet building a solid
foundation for life together is the most important thing an engaged couple can do. Learning
to be a good husband or wife, learning to communicate honestly about your fears and
future, finding a marriage mentor, dealing with past relational baggage, seeking pre-marital
counseling etc will improve the quality of relationship for years to come.

Let’s prepare our younger generation for building lasting and fulfilling marriages.