Avoiding Hyper-Parenting Traps
An article by Sam George

Last week, we began a reflection on the tendency of Indian American parents to keep kids hyper-scheduled and its potential fallout. The ambitious Indian American parents are constantly raising the bar for their children in academic and extra-curricular achievements and it is beginning to have perilous effects.

Whether it is spelling bee championships, entry into ivy-league schools, beauty contests or being well-versed in Holy scriptures, Indian parents have very high expectations for their progenies. Indian media is also responsible for creating this success orientation by regularly featuring prodigies and winners in the community.

It seems today's parents are making it their sacred responsibility to provide their child with every enrichment opportunity possible: sports, music, academics etc. Over-scheduled children and parents, depleted personal energy reservoirs, climbing higher on the ladder etc are symptomatic of Indian immigrant homes.

Parents often impose their desire upon children when it comes to choice of college, career, friends and even marriage partner. Parents try to fulfill their own unaccomplished dreams through their children. This vicarious living can be overbearing to children, not to mention how strong-willed immigrant parents can be intrusive in daily affairs of children.

Simply because some program worked for one child does not ensure that it will produce similar or better results for our kids. It is not fair to expect our children to be more successful than us and force-fit an achievement trajectory upon them. Here are some ways to avoid hyper-parenting traps:

Know their uniqueness. Often children are pushed beyond what they are capable of. Their natural bend or unique strengths are never taken into account. It would be unfortunate for our children to try everything that is out there and discover their life passion on a trial and error basis.

Assess age-appropriateness. There is a tendency amongst parents to involve children in activities much earlier than they need to be. Even though there are classes offered for toddlers, it doesn't mean every toddler need to take those classes or would be ready for them.

Limit activities. Some families make firm rules (i.e. one sport per child per season) while others make decisions on a case-by-case basis. We must weigh the benefit against the cost (time, energy, logistical effort, stress, expense) to you, your child, and the family.

Create margins. Boredom needs to be a goal of parents. Unscheduled time encourages children to create and imagine. It helps them to learn how to fill their time rather than expect others to entertain them.

Don’t feel guilty. Parental guilt drives us to do more for our kids. It is okay for kids to simply hangout with friends and family. False guilt is harmful to parents, as well as kids, and never a wise guide in parental decisions.

Prioritize family. Relationships matter a lot. Our families need to know how to play together, not just ride in the car together from one activity to the next. Consider making one night a week family night. Set aside time to play sports or board games, go fishing or just relax and talk.

Remember, if we turned out okay without all those programs, then our kids can too.