Divorce – A Growing Reality
An article by Sam George

Just a couple of generations ago, divorces were almost unheard of in the Asian Indian community. But now among the second generation of Asian Indians in the United States, there has been a dramatic rise in divorce rates.
According to a recent study, divorce rate among a particular group of second generations of Indian Americans is as high as three out of five within first three years of marriage, which is more than the national average. It may not be as high in other Indian sub-communities or cities, but it is a shocking reversal for a strong stable family image of Indian Americans.
Most divorces in the Indian community are happening in early years of marriage. The first five years contributes to most of them and nearly three-fourth occurs within the first ten years of marriage. The process of finding a mate does not ensure healthy marriages, as both arranged and love marriages are proving equally disastrous.
Marital break ups is often seen as a failure in the status-conscious Indian American community. Divorcees feel like they have fallen off the face of the earth. For whatever reasons the marriages are annulled, parties involved experience a personal embarrassment, rejection by friends, and ostracization from family and religious communities.
The no-fault divorce laws in this country might have helped some who are trapped in exploitative relationships, but the liberalization of the laws has undermined the sanctity of the home and condemned many children to a life of poverty and heartache for none of their fault. Divorce merely substitutes a new set of miseries for the ones left behind.
This relational challenge will undermine the strength of a community and negatively affect future generations. Divorce causes a steep deterioration in the quality of parenting a child receives because both parents become preoccupied with the task of reestablishing their economic, social and sexual lives. Joint custody and visitation arrangement does not work well for most children.
Divorced parents are less likely to pay for children’s college education and are unable to provide necessary emotional support and guidance when their children pursue relationships of their own. The children of divorce are more likely to drop out of school, earn less and are reluctant to care for their aging parents.
Being married for many years is neither an indicative of strong marriages, for many in our community continue to stay in unhealthy relationships for the sake of children or to avoid shame of the community. Marriage requires lots of work on a regular basis. But it pays rich dividends in the human quest for identity, security, community, generativity etc. not only for us but also for our children.